I fell asleep behind the wheels yesterday. Alhamdulillah during that split second no other cars were within my close vicinity. I am blessed, yet I must learn from this near-fatal mistake.
I am tired. But at this point, I cannot surrender and give in. I remembered Sheikh Yahya mentioned in his opening talk, the moment we relax.. the moment we stop being excellent.. that is when we are likely to sway. I am terrified that I wont do well in my exams. I am terrified that Allah has not seen my part enough to reward me with good marks.
But pushing also came to a limit.
Last night, my back hurt terribly. I had throbbing headache and I was nauseated. In less than half an hour I found myself swallowing all painkillers available in our drug cabinet ( no, I was not overdosing). And I thought, really? Is this how I am riding the journey?
And it doesnt help to try venting out to some ppl. Because your intention to pour all the frustrations and anxiety out just goes down the drain. Instead, you were lending your ears. And they just added another load, another cloud of negativity. Is this how I want to reach the endpoint?
It’s almost magical if we choose the right outlet. And that is how I began to see straight, the swirling lines just began to disappear before my eyes. The weight slowly lifted. The heart that was beating in anxiety begins to regulate itself again. The smile replaces the frown. The lips begin to praise and promise. That THIS is the way.
That I will turn to HIM first no matter what. To cry or to ask. To rest or to stress. To prostrate and to raise my hands.
Because those that follows were as smooth as silk. As easy as ABC. Like how a colleague offered a lending hand. A best friend called to just check on you. Or you found yourself talking to the right person about your troubles and they just handed you solutions, guides and better still, motivation!
