1434

We have just entered 1434H. It saddened a lot of us that while we embraced the new year with shelter above our heads, food on our plates and peace on our streets, our brothers and sisters in Gaza are subjected to the oppression of the Israelis. Let’s raise our hands and pray for them.

It was a good time for me to turn a new leaf. Closing a chapter, not wanting it to be ever published. But that just makes the story incomplete. It’ll always be there, a stain or a comma, anyway I choose to remember. It gets duller by the day, you become increasingly indifferent to it. Yet as much as you try to throw them away, memories are not that easily erased. Good or bad. So I attempted to scrub them off my being; by finding a different route or avoiding places or removing any reminders. They helped, to a certain extent. Although Anne thinks that I should just get myself sensitized to them lot. She said the trouble with me, I cant forget the good in people no matter how bad they hurt me, sigh. I wish I’m made of steel sometimes.I wish I had care less than what I did.

Again and again, I cant ever be thankful for the love of His Almighty that comes in the form of good companions and best buddies. I can’t complain or give excuses that I am devoid of support. One of the silver linings: you see the love around you.

But when they feel the hurt too, it pains me. The eyes that turned dark. The fire that ignited within them. The tears that rolled down their cheeks. Those are the worst, to see them crying over me. I know, I should look at it in a positive light. However, part of me feels that I have somehow disappoint them. That I constantly cause worry to those I love. That I cut them too through my wounds.

“What troubles you, troubles me. What pleases you, pleases me.” ― The Young Victoria (2009)

Don’t cry for me, please. We have been through so much together and for most of you, our friendships have gone beyond years. Through thick and thin (to which I now feel more of thin and thin). Through troubles of study tales. Through unrequited loves. Through conflicts of families. Through dilemmas of what to wear, where to work, what to specialize in, how to make a perfect roast chicken, how to lose weight.

Don’t cry for me, please. Because just like previous stumbles on both of our sides, we learn to rise again. We steady of steps again although wobbly after the fall. Because if you remember correctly, there were more times of laughters than cries. Because just like the time you had to lean on me for support, I have yours too and I know that. Because as you said, we do not welcome destructive creatures into our lives, yet alone, let our worth be determined by their behaviour towards us or their words against us.

So smile instead. By doing so, you make it easier on me. 🙂

This new year, I hope to embrace it with a new heart. A heart that knows whatever befalls us, whatever crosses our paths are not without a purpose. A heart that yearns to take heed in everything I see, I feel, I taste and I hear. A heart that goes through each day not in slumber, but awake and eager to make myself better. I do hope, at the end of this wordly life insyaAllah, I am not one of those who missed the point that it is a world of tests and the aim is to pass them. Passing them.